“Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it: you can either run from it or learn from it.”
Jyoti Dhawale. In 2005, she discovered that she was HIV positive. Today she is the voice for all those who have been misunderstood because of HIV/AIDS. She stood tall at the face of adversities and is now HIV activist, an advocate for Beydaar, The Well Project and several other causes. She is a fighter in true sense.
Jyoti can only hear sounds with decibels 80 and above. Something like the hoot of a train engine. Though she was told that her hearing imparity was caused because she was hurt when she fell from her bike, doctors tend to disagree. A bilateral sensorineural hearing loss of her severity can most likely be caused due to physical abuse. Though she was born to an Air Force Officer’s family, Jyoti never knew what freedom meant. She was oppressed by her step mother to an extent that lunch became a luxury to her. Even so, she never bore a resentment towards her father, and aspired to be a fighter pilot like him. But because of her disability, her dreams could never soar high.
Jyoti’s childhood was far from normal. When she first met her first husband, she fell in love with his gentlemanly behavior, and married him with hopes of the life that she deserved. But what happened to her was something no one would fathom. What started as a warm relationship became a nightmare when Jyoti first got pregnant. She was forced to undergo three abortions. Her husband refused to use contraceptives, and when she protested, he forced himself on her. But sadly in our country marital rape is not a crime. She continued to bear the exploitation, partly because of the unawareness about Domestic Violence Act and partly because she had always been emotionally and financially dependent on her husband and knew not what she’d do by herself.
When she was pushed for having an abortion for the fourth time, it became the final nail in the coffin. She was three months pregnant, when she discovered that she was HIV positive because of medical negligence during the previous three procedures she had. The three previous abortions broke Jyoti and she had destroyed all paperwork related to them. Hence, she had no way of knowing as to when and from where she contracted the virus. This time Jyoti bit the bullet and despite her husband’s vehement disapprovals, she delivered a perfectly healthy and HIV negative baby boy. But it seemed like destiny hadn’t mocked her enough. Soon after her delivery, Jyoti was pressed for divorce. Her appeals found no ears and her son’s custody was taken by her husband and she was debarred from visitation rights. Her son still does not know of her existence as she fights for her rights.
A failed marriage and the separation from their child could drive any person insane. But Jyoti was a fighter. She reached out to people through several NGOs to spread awareness about HIV and AIDS. She had given up on love, when she met Vivek on an online chatroom. His whole hearted efforts took away her apprehensions. Vivek, who is HIV negative, proved to her that she deserved more than what was handed to her and she believed in him. They got married, and we can simply say that she is finally home.
Jyoti is currently based in Mumbai and is associated with the The Well Project and Beydaar.The Well Project is a global hub for resources that help women and girls overcome the inequalities, barriers, and stigma that contribute to the epidemic among women. The Well Project focuses on three critical gaps related to women and HIV: information access, community support, and targeted research.
On the other hand, Beydaar is youth run voluntary organization (registered under society’s act 1860) that aims to work to create awareness and civic sense in the society primarily through seminars, symposiums, theatre, training sessions, photography, painting, short films, documentaries, essay writing, debates, group discussions and various other means. Using media as an effective tool, our aim is to spread awareness and address issues by doing radio shows on a regular basis, live drama and short films.
“Currently I hold the position as Community Advisory Board for The Well Project, as well as being a blogger for its sister concern A Girl Like Me. As for Beydaar, it is going to launch its HIV/AIDS unit in Islamabad and Lahore and my responsibility as an Ambassador for Beydaar is to help eradicate the stigma and discrimination that is associated with it.”
In life, Jyoti came across several crossroads where giving up would have been easier than struggling on. She chose to fight her battles and losing was not an option. When asked about what motivates her, Jyoti said,
“Reading life inspiring stories – the stories of men/women, of their struggles, their grit and determination, their achievement and aim for success. Life can be hard, can be cruel – but this is what life is all about – and it is balanced. And we should learn to be grateful for small things and brave the storms, for these are the force that what make us.”
According to WHO, HIV and AIDS have killed near about 34 million people since 1981. Yet people fail to differentiate between the very two words. HIV is a virus, while AIDS is a condition that might be caused because of it. Being infected with HIV may or may not lead to AIDS. If the unawareness is not enough, our society is plagued with myths and misconceptions. Jyoti believes that ignorance is the only barrier that stands to reform.
“What each and everyone need is education. Knowledge is power. Stigma associated with HIV/AIDS can be erased only with that knowledge. There is nothing so scary about the virus. Once you have the knowledge, you will be in the better position to look after yourself and live a longer healthier life. Like I always say : sharing is caring. Learn, educate, inspire, motivate. Help others to come out of the darkness too and light their life.”
Jyoti Dhawale and her never dying spirit is an inspiration to all those who are faced with challenges in life. Hoping to love unconditionally like Mother Teresa and give selflessly like Princess Diana, Jyoti is giving her best to do her part for the betterment of the society.
“Wherever I go, I see very less of humanity. People tend to pass judgment too soon. There has been lot of anger and hatred which serves no purpose. Anger and hatred tend to destroy self, deep from within. Peace can exist if there is Love – especially their Soul. Once you start loving their soul, then you see this as a living being first and not as a plant, animal or a human. Just a soul – and all one need is LOVE. There is so much hunger for love! For compassion! For kindness! For humanity!”
She became more than the stigma and abuse she suffered. Instead of complaining about things she could not change, she became the change she could be. Jyoti continues to move on in her life spreading awareness and debunking the misconceptions that cloud HIV and AIDS.
“HIV is nothing but another illness that we have to fight with. All the same, life will go on. Nothing destroyed, just under control.”
